I feel like a yo yo of emotions happy moments and just sad grief.
About a week and a half ago we got new floors and with that alot of stuff was being moved in and out and dust sanding and of course my allergies went crazy.
(This was at her 99 birthday)
Last Saturday was a big family reunion I had a big family reunion with family members I had never met in my life.There were second cousins and a cousin that lives in Crest I had never met. He drives his golf cart by our house and his dog trailing behind and Maulie loves to bark at him. Lol! I saw a brother who I had not seen in eight years and felt such mixed emotions familia and yet not.
When my daughter became ill with MS We were kinda on our own. Sometimes when your going thru an incredible life changing event family isn't who is there for you.Nobody knows what to do and it isn't like your getting better like the flu. It is something your family is going thru the rest of your life.Your life is never the same. You are hanging on by a finger nail and only people who have been thru true illness and heart break can truly understand.Sometimes you can't even talk about it because you relive it. Alice was always there for us .We became so much closer in those years she was the constant positive mother in law that loved our family so much.
When someone dies it seems to stir up all the other losses.I remember the feeling of the unknown of the illness that was gripping my daughter and not knowing what was wrong. Megan had worked so hard much like her grandmother Alice who had been a nurse my Megan was an archaeologist who had graduated with honors.
My daughters Megan's whole life was working hard on her education for her a dream to be an archaeologist, then at the peak of her life and so close to getting her masters degree losing her health.
A parents true grief is when your child is struggling and you can't fix an illness that is devastating her life and body.The things you take for granted just like walking being young and happy and carefree has changed. Seeing a person you love in constant physical pain and not be able to do anything but pray and hope for the best. Having a chronic illness like MS is like a daily ping pong ride one moment everything fine the next there is an exasperation and she is having seizures from pain and unable to walk. Sometimes your illness isn't like a text book illness and others judge you. Come to find out Megan had three auto immune diseases. Never ever ever judge someone who is chronically ill you have no idea how much effort they put in the simple act of showing up for a function.If you don't understand what's wrong with someones illness just be kind it really is not that hard.The well people of this world have the luxury of just that being well.
You find out who will be there for you in the long haul and unfortunately I found out we were on our own much of the time.
We were in survival mode trying to help our daughter driving the hour and a half to Sun City for years and years and Alice was our prayer partner . She gave me the strength when my heart just felt broken as Megan faced one horrible health challenge after another . Her unconditional love was something I will never forget.The last eight or ten years in her 90's she emailed us weekly knew every thing that was happening to us as we struggled.
I originally started this blog because I needed to see that I did have a good life even though my heart was permanently scarred. But I had faith cause Alice showed me her constant example. Just Keep praying......
Alice was from the depression era of hard work and frugal. Her Dad had died when she was seven and so her mom took up the husbands taxidermy business and boarders and survived Ohio winters.One of her toys was a real stuffed squirrel.
Alice actually has a star in La Mesa California for the countless hours of service for her community
She was my younger brothers catechism teacher and she was a strict teacher.There is so much of her I could tell and yet.
As much as Alice was a extraordinary volunteer how she touched me was so simple.
Alice was a woman of faith. Alice's bible is filled with notes and scribbles and bits of cut out yellowed newspaper clipping of bible passages . I was asked as we left Long beach and Bixby Towers was there anything I wanted. I wanted that big clunky bible with Alice's small handwriting notes here and there and filled with a life time of prayer.I will miss her encouragement and her constant praise of how I was managing being there for two families my daughters and hubby and me .Her Bible will be my life time bible study and I will miss those emails and such mothers love to all of us . I will just have to pray harder in the hard times lean on her notes and hold on for dear life.
I have a funny story Jack told me how he never knew that chocolate chip cookies had more then one chip in them. Alice only had one chip at the top of the cookie. She could make a bag of chocolate chips last a year. Alice lived 99 healthy years blind in one eye and yet able to help others always.
So after being there last Sunday as Alice passed. Monday Jack took me for a referral eye doctor appointment I couldn't cancel.I have cataracts so July will be two surgeries but then my eyes will be better hopefully! Then the next emotion was Wednesday hubby and I were at a Highway patrol awards banquet where Hubby was getting an award.Thursday I was at another doctor because my cough wouldn't go away I have bronchitis asthma and laryngitis plus I can't see Lol.
So this Wednesday she will be buried and life will begin for me with a wonderful bible of Alice's to guide me and notes from Alice to hopefully grow in faith and get thru this crazy life.maybe some of Alice will rub off on me.Hugs cheri
Here are some quick pics.
CHP awards banquet
California Highway patrol Award
Jack was nominated CHP non uniform employee of the year for
Border Division.Jack works at division headquarters.
A grandmothers love
Maulie likes to jump on it and look out the window!
Two of the girls